Taking time to take care of myself makes me better in my roles. I need to repeat this so that I continue to believe it because it’s easy for me to feel selfish for doing these things.
This is another week that I sit down to write without publishing anything. Last week was cuz of personal mismanaged credentials. This week it’s cuz I’m at a different coffee shop with secured WiFi and I just don’t feel like asking for the WiFi password.
The good part about not being connected to the internet is that it makes it basically impossible for me to do any work-related work. Three weeks into my commitment to taking time for personal professional development and I still feel pressure to be writing code instead of doing this. To be clear, this is mostly internal pressure.
This morning I went for a walk. Last week it would’ve been a run but since I tweaked a calf muscle on Saturday I want to let it heal but I also want to make sure I keep moving. I need the exercise. I don’t just need it for weight loss or for muscle building although those are nice bonuses. I need exercise to deal with stress.
While I was on my walk, I was thinking about how I was the first one in the office every morning last year. It felt good to be the first one in. It was quiet. I could make sure that I had my thoughts in order and have my day somewhat figured out before I needed to talk with anyone. I miss that. However last year I also had my first ever panic attack, I gained weight and I had some other stress-related health issues. I don’t miss that at all. I want to be someone who exercises and writes words and writes code and talks to friends and family and cares for his house and his self. I don’t just want to be someone who writes code and it’s strangely really tempting to just be someone who writes code when it’s your first development job and it’s at a small, growing startup.
This is part of the reason I go for runs/walks and write in the morning because I feel like my time and attention is a little less requested in the mornings. We are going to address our stress in one way or another. If we don’t do it mindfully, we will relieve stress in unhealthy ways (alcohol, being a jerkface, constant worry, etc.) so it’s important that we find ways to do it in healthy ways (exercise, writing, puzzles, yoga, therapy, etc.).